Relationship expert, Praise Fowowe, who is a self confessed sex addict
turned relationship and sex counselor, in this incisive piece gave
reasons why the marriages of some top pastors are packing up. Find his
thought provoking piece below
1. A man of God is
not God, he is a man: Unfortunately, we treat our men of God as if they
are spirits who don't live in human body. What do we expect when we
saddle them with our numerous issues. Unfortunately, many are not wise
to say no to church members whose lives will continue if they drop dead.
Church members have academic, financial, and even marital problems,
they go to the pastor as if the man is built to solve every problem and
in our quest to prove that we are superstars, we also fail to embrace
the use of professionals who are trained in these things because of our
hidden fear of respect. What stops a man of God who knows his marriage
is in danger to take a back seat and allow a church member whose
marriage is a model take a message on a
Sunday that marriage is meant to be discussed? You are not built to solve every problem.
2. Anointing
does not give immunity to divorce: The same way anointing doesn't give
immunity to sexual sins, it doesn't also give immunity to divorce. It
takes more than anointing to make a marriage work. I have seen the
people we refer to as unbelievers build a fantastic marriage why I have
also seen loads of tongue-talking believers make a shipwreck of theirs.
The most important ingredient to build a winning marriage isn't prayers,
it is knowledge and if you don't have it, you can't pray it in. I tell
people that your anointing wouldn't stop you from sleeping with church
members if you have a sex problem. If you position yourself around babes
consistently in the name of "My daughter in the lord" and you don't
draw a critical line, it is only a matter of time. My story is
everywhere on how I was a sex addict in church after being born again
yet leading praise worship and leading people to Christ until I became
real to myself and went to get help. Every counselor needs a counselor
and every pastor needs a pastor who may not necessarily be title
carrying person because the problem with us is that in this part of the
world, we believe that a laity isn't anointed as long as he doesn't
pastor a large church. If you are beating your wife, don't pretend you
don't have a problem, you need to get help from a psychologist or
psychiatrist.
3. There is no
relationship without communication and relaxation: So many men of God
don't communicate with their spouses. You can't expect an abandoned
flower to blossom without your attention. I think many of us saddle our
wives with church work that they are not prepared for. I do not believe
that because a man is a pastor necessarily means that his wife must be a
Pastor Mrs. God's callings and gifting aren't by marriage. I don't
understand the calling that will make a man of God remain in Nigeria
while he sends his wife to Germany to pastor the branch of the church
over there. Excuse me, you are a human being who needs emotional
attention. Unfortunately, that is the reality in many ministries. You
are a man of God on the pulpit but at home, you are a lover and a father
to your children. So you might learn to drop the bible and Christianity
on the altar so that you can communicate with your wife and your
children in human language. I was invited to a meeting years back and I
asked the Pastor's there the last time they had a dance with their
spouses? I was shocked when they said it was during their wedding.
4. Isolation
isn't spirituality: Jesus never isolated himself. As a matter of fact,
he was found in everyday places like our present day shopping malls and
movie houses. I see a lot of young pastors who have aged faster than
they should be because of Isolation. Something tells us that we need to
isolate ourselves to receive a word for a people who are being
"pastored" only during the service because many of them are being
influenced more by their favorite musician than their pastor. Don't
allow church members turn you into who you are not because you don't
want to hang out with your babe. They would spread your story when your
marriage breaks down. When was the last time you met your pastor in a
bus, mall, a restaurant or a cinema? As a matter of fact, when was the
last time he was stuck in traffic and you saw him? If your answer is no,
then most likely your pastor is a spirit. If a man wants to live in
isolation, he should please not get married so that we can save the body
of Christ all this embarrassment.
5. Wisdom is
in the city square: If a man of God is inadequate on a particular
subject, It is not shameful to get help. It is humility to look for help
from people that have studied that particular subject. Something to
learn from someone we have categorized as sinner. So when I hear someone
make statements like there is nothing an unbeliever can teach me, I
often ask who taught you how to speak English and understand
Mathematics. Age and longevity in ministry is not the same as wisdom.
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