I read with much respect and admiration Wale Gates tweets about the student who killed his father at the redeemed camp, and I must say he has greatly earned my respect. He chose to speak out instead of condemning and threw some light on the enormity of an issue we most often take for granted.
However, I must point out that even though we both sympathize with the boy’s predicament as truly many times parents turn beating, which indeed is a good form of punishment into abuse, standing up to ones parents is a sin as great in proportion to, or even greater than adultery, murder and stealing. Continue...
Honour your father and your mother is the 5th commandment (Exodus
chapter 20 verse 1 to 17) while thou
shall not kill and thou shall not steal are the 6th and 7th
commandment respectively. The 1st till the 4th
commandments talk about GOD the very next commandment deals with our parents,
clearly signifying that after GOD our parents come next, even before priests,
pastors etc. According to islamic teachings parents must always be respected
"And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him,
and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age
[while] with you, say not to them [so much as] 'uff' [i.e., an expression of
irritation or disapproval] and do not repel them but speak to them a noble
word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: 'My Lord!
Have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.'"(Quran 17:23-24)
Also a lot of us do not know that the bible actually
states that if a ‘SON’ is rebellious and a drunkard his parents have the right
to take him outside the gates of his city and stone him to death.
18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not
obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they
have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: 19 Then shall
his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of
his city, and unto the gate of his place; 20 And they shall say
unto the elders of his city, this our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will
not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. 21 And all
the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put
evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear. (Deuteronomy 21:18-21King James
Version (KJV)
Most will argue that this was taken
from the old testament before JESUS preached forgiveness, however it will
nonetheless throw the much needed light on how important honoring your parents
is in the sight of GOD. The bible also encourages parents to use the rod on
their children. Do not hold back discipline from the child,
Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. (Proverbs23 verse13) But at what point do we
draw the line between discipline and abuse? Personally I believe that if a
father bites, brings a coke bottle or a knife to a ‘fight’ with his own
children it has become abuse. But no matter what a parent does to you as a
child you still have no right to strike back or kill your parent! Like wale
Gates I also have a very religious and strict father. While growing up with him
I was often punished for offenses I considered trivial and many times I wished
he died or that my mum left him so I could be free from his “tyranny”. I hated
him so much and there were times we didn’t speak for years. Fast forward ten
years and I am beginning to understand some of the reasons why he was so strict.
Today, he has earned my respect in many ways and because I am very much like
him we never really got along. Here is a list of reasons why I believe our
parents were so hard.
1.
The
age/generational gap; Many parents are set in their ways and believe
very strongly in the methods that operated in their era and try to enforce
these methods down our throats often leading to rebellion.
2.
Over
parenting: In this part of the world parents don’t realize that they
can disrespect their children, and this leads to many parents becoming too nosy,
thereby interfering where not needed, giving rise to avoidable problems.
3.
Fear
of the future: because parents “want the best” for their children they
often tend to push them towards “safe” career and relationship choices that
most often aren’t in the best interest of the children, limiting them from
maximizing their potentials.
4.
Religion;
Although “religion” serves as a system used to transfer moral uprightness from
one generation to another and to bring children closer to GOD it has oftentimes
proven counterproductive since some parents force their beliefs upon their
children instead of allowing their children to receive their “calling” and
experience a personal walk with GOD.
5.
Outdated
cultural values; Some cultures/belief systems are very limiting e.g. placing more emphasis on male
education/empowerment over female etc. When parents strictly enforce these
belief systems they tend to draw back or limit some of their children’s
potentials leading to many instances of rebellion.
I chose to write this piece to share my views on the above,
imploring parents to listen to their children more instead of employing the “template” used in their own personal
upbringing, applied uniformly to all their children without being sensitive to
their peculiar needs.
And to the children honour your father and your mother so
you may live long in the land the Lord your GOD is giving you.
My dad Dr. A.G Olarinde and I have long since become best
of friends and I value his counsel, leadership, teaching and friendship
tremendously. I have a 12 year old son and trust me father-son relationships
are not easy at any age or level and I can only pray for GOD's guidiance.
~Daddy Freeze.
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