Friday, July 11, 2014

Parental abuse: Freeze Coolfm shares his experience and views on the issue

Comedian Wale Gates made a case for the Redeemer University student who reportedly killed his father during an argument in their home last week. Now popular OAP Freeze Coolfm has written an article sharing a bit of his own experience with his own father growing up and also sheds some light on why some parents are too hard on their children. Read his article below...
I read with much respect and admiration Wale Gates tweets about the student who killed his father at the redeemed camp, and I must say he has greatly earned my respect. He chose to speak out instead of condemning and threw some light on the enormity of an issue we most often take for granted.
However, I must point out that even though we both sympathize with the boy’s predicament as truly many times parents turn beating, which indeed is a good form of punishment into abuse, standing up to ones parents is a sin as great in proportion to, or even greater than adultery, murder and stealing. Continue...
Honour your father and your mother is the 5th commandment (Exodus chapter 20 verse 1 to 17) while thou shall not kill and thou shall not steal are the 6th and 7th commandment respectively. The 1st till the 4th commandments talk about GOD the very next commandment deals with our parents, clearly signifying that after GOD our parents come next, even before priests, pastors etc. According to islamic teachings parents must always be respected 
 "And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as] 'uff' [i.e., an expression of irritation or disapproval] and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: 'My Lord! Have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.'"(Quran 17:23-24)
Also a lot of us do not know that the bible actually states that if a ‘SON’ is rebellious and a drunkard his parents have the right to take him outside the gates of his city and stone him to death.
18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: 19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; 20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, this our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. 21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear. (Deuteronomy 21:18-21King James Version (KJV)
Most will argue that this was taken from the old testament before JESUS preached forgiveness, however it will nonetheless throw the much needed light on how important honoring your parents is in the sight of GOD. The bible also encourages parents to use the rod on their children. Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.  (Proverbs23 verse13) But at what point do we draw the line between discipline and abuse? Personally I believe that if a father bites, brings a coke bottle or a knife to a ‘fight’ with his own children it has become abuse. But no matter what a parent does to you as a child you still have no right to strike back or kill your parent! Like wale Gates I also have a very religious and strict father. While growing up with him I was often punished for offenses I considered trivial and many times I wished he died or that my mum left him so I could be free from his “tyranny”. I hated him so much and there were times we didn’t speak for years. Fast forward ten years and I am beginning to understand some of the reasons why he was so strict. Today, he has earned my respect in many ways and because I am very much like him we never really got along. Here is a list of reasons why I believe our parents were so hard.
1.      The age/generational gap; Many parents are set in their ways and believe very strongly in the methods that operated in their era and try to enforce these methods down our throats often leading to rebellion.
2.      Over parenting: In this part of the world parents don’t realize that they can disrespect their children, and this leads to many parents becoming too nosy, thereby interfering where not needed, giving rise to avoidable problems.
3.      Fear of the future: because parents “want the best” for their children they often tend to push them towards “safe” career and relationship choices that most often aren’t in the best interest of the children, limiting them from maximizing their potentials.
4.      Religion; Although “religion” serves as a system used to transfer moral uprightness from one generation to another and to bring children closer to GOD it has oftentimes proven counterproductive since some parents force their beliefs upon their children instead of allowing their children to receive their “calling” and experience a personal walk with GOD.
5.      Outdated cultural values; Some cultures/belief systems are very limiting  e.g. placing more emphasis on male education/empowerment over female etc. When parents strictly enforce these belief systems they tend to draw back or limit some of their children’s potentials leading to many instances of rebellion.
I chose to write this piece to share my views on the above, imploring parents to listen to their children more instead of employing  the “template” used in their own personal upbringing, applied uniformly to all their children without being sensitive to their peculiar needs.
And to the children honour your father and your mother so you may live long in the land the Lord your GOD is giving you.
My dad Dr. A.G Olarinde and I have long since become best of friends and I value his counsel, leadership, teaching and friendship tremendously. I have a 12 year old son and trust me father-son relationships are not easy at any age or level and I can only pray for GOD's guidiance.
~Daddy Freeze.

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