Finding a great guy to date nowadays
seems impossible for some women, so when she finds what seems like the perfect
guy, she should go for it, right? He’s cute, he’s funny, smart and you two
really seem to hit it off. You like him and he likes you, so what’s stopping
you two from hooking up? The dilemma: He’s your best friend’s brother. What to
do?!
A girlfriend of mine found herself
in this predicament. I didn’t quite see anything wrong with it…at first. I
mean, what’s the big deal about dating your best friend’s brother? She had
known him for years and he was a great friend of the family. They flirted
here
and there, but her brother just chalked it up to his younger sister having a
little girl crush on one of his friends – until she came of age. At first, she
started seeing her brother’s friend behind his back, but once it got serious,
she confessed that they had secretly been dating. Needless to say her brother
wasn’t too thrilled about it.
When I asked her why her brother was
upset, she said her brother’s explanation was simply, “That’s just not what
black people do.” I could see if he was upset because she kept a secret from
him or because maybe he thought his friend wasn’t good enough for his baby
sister, but to make it a cultural thing seemed strange to me. Then again, I had
known many white people who had no problem dating their best friend’s brother,
but no black folks. Maybe I was just oblivious.
I don’t have any brothers, so I
can’t say how I’d feel if my bestie wanted to date my sibling. I’ve also never
been attracted to any of my girlfriends’ brothers, so I’ve avoided that
conflict altogether. But I would imagine that if I thought very highly of both
my brother and my best friend, why would I have an issue with them dating?
Logic would suggest that you’d want two of your favorite people to be together
right? Not so sure.
One thing my girls and I did growing
up was talk about the boys we liked, dated, kissed, hated, and then kicked to
the curb. But imagining my girlfriend talking to me about kissing, getting
intimate or even hating my brother would probably leave me feeling a little
uneasy. Who wants to picture their sibling getting busy with anyone, let alone
with your best friend? I can see how it would get tricky and, possibly, messy.
What if they break up? Are you caught in the middle? Just the thought of all
the “what ifs” is too much for me and I’m not even in the situation.
Once I weighed the pros and cons of
dating a friend’s brother, I began to see how it might not be worth all the
potential drama. I’m not saying it could never work out, but I’d have to make
sure that the guy I’m interested in would definitely be worth the risk of
losing a friend. Either way, if this is something you’re thinking of doing, be
sure to cover all your bases.
Make sure the guy in question
actually likes you as much as you like him. If not, there’s no need to open a
can of worms. If you both decide this is something you want to pursue, don’t
sneak behind anyone’s back. Make sure you talk to your bestie first to see how
they feel about the possibility of you two dating. Not that you need
permission, but definitely consider their feelings and their point of view. If
your friend thinks it’s a bad idea, ask why and really listen to the answer.
Chances are they know him way better than you do and could possible spare you
some heartache. If you decide to date the guy anyway, keep your friend out of
your relationship. If you break up down the line, keep the details of the
breakup to yourself. Handle it in a mature, discreet way so that all parties
can remain friendly afterwards. I know it’s not fun to think of the end of the
relationship before it actually begins, but this is something to keep in mind.
Last, if you’re not absolutely sure
you’re in love and you think it could just be puppy love (or lust), find
someone else to date. I know the pickin’s may seem slim, but some friendships
are just not worth losing.
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